(Feat, Andy's unsolicited advice.) What are the things that make life, relationships, business and the big picture work? Andy asks Sian, his wife, these big questions. And with a humorous, light-hearted touch, in 10-15 minutes they will discuss the things that really matter and find short answers to bring us all success and happiness.
Sian is a much sought-after international executive coach, board member and keynote speaker who promotes living and working a values-based life to gain happiness and success. Andy is her husband of 35 years, and the ying to her yang, So the conversation is honest, real and funny.
“I hope you'll be entertained. I hope you have a little smile. And I hope every now and again there will be a thought that you refilter in your head and think: Okay, that resonated.” - Sian Jaquet
Big Question | Should you reconnect with an ex on social media? Ep28
•Sian & Andy Jaquet•Season 1•Episode 28
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What would you do if an old flame suddenly reached out on social media? On this episode of Big Questions, Short Answers, we explore the complexities and potential pitfalls of reconnecting with an ex online, especially when you're currently married with children. Join us as we respond to Cynthia's frantic email about receiving a friend request from an ex-boyfriend. We dissect the anxieties that may bubble up, discuss feelings of disloyalty, and dive into the impact on your present relationship.
Trust, open communication, and assessing the true intentions behind such reconnections are at the forefront of our discussion. Should you click "accept," or could this lead to opening Pandora's box of unresolved emotions? With personal anecdotes and practical advice, we provide thoughtful reflections and actionable steps for anyone navigating this digital dilemma. Tune in for a candid conversation that aims to help you maintain healthy, transparent relationships in the age of social media.
Welcome to Big Questions. Short Answers. I'm Sian.
Speaker 1:
And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life questions.
Speaker 2:
And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited advice.
Speaker 1:
Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's value-based online course. Visit SianJackaycom to find out more. We've had another email from a Cynthia, and she says panic, panic, panic. She has got a friend request from an old boyfriend. She's married a couple of kids. She says, and she says what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? Do I say yes, yes, I want to be a friend with my old, old boyfriend. She's smiling at me. You've probably got hundreds in your bloody Facebook. I don't want to say hundreds but do you know something?
Speaker 2:
If somebody is asking that question, do you know where my mind goes? Married kids issues in a relationship. The first door I would open is what's creating the anxiety of what is it?
Speaker 1:
I suppose, yeah, I suppose.
Speaker 2:
Somebody who you've known 10, 15, whatever years ago has pressed a button to say become a friend.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
What on earth are you panicking about?
Speaker 1:
Well, I think potentially, because I've been through it myself. You get these connections, but there's that feeling oh, am I being disloyal? Lovely, We've got to the nub of it, Mary. I'm being disloyal by accepting this friend.
Speaker 2:
Well, the answer's very quick and very easy, is it? It's about the depth and robustness of your relationship and how important are the values within your relationship, and where that relationship is going at the time. Is trust and open sharing a thing, or is it not?
Speaker 1:
I don't think I've got an order of.
Speaker 2:
You did. You learned Two or three times. Oh, look here and you've shown me the picture and you're then walking into a world of. Of course, you want to look at their photographs and see how old they are and who their partner is and what they're doing.
Speaker 1:
That's just human nature.
Speaker 2:
There's nothing wrong in that A little bit of judgment always good. The fear is based on. I think. Well, you know again which Pandora's box is you opening. You know if it's somebody in the past that you're still carrying a torch through and you're already in an established relationship. I'd just tell you straight nope, move away, move away from the accept button.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, who do you want to invite that drama into your world? Unless the relationship you're in you don't want? I mean, this is degenerated very fast. Well, if that's the point, then I would say, cynthia, what's going on in your life? You have a moral obligation to sit down with the person who you know. My 101 on this, right again, I believe what is your? That people fall in love, people get attracted to other people. It's perfectly, it's human, it's normal, it's all of those things right, but that doesn't give you permission to do it.
Speaker 2:
What it? What it is is about communicating that with the person you're in a relationship with, right? So, if you come back to the social media, it's about trust. What I would say is, if you can't find the picture in your head, you can't create that immediate vision of sitting down with your partner and saying have a look at this. Whoa, look, who's trying to contact me? Well, you didn't even know, but there's somebody from the oh, he lost his hair, right, but oh, you didn't even know. But there's somebody from the. Oh, he lost his hair, you're right, but he's actually making a statement more about your relationship. Yeah, I think that there are a few filters, which would be probably very basic but recommended.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, the first filter is what's the agenda? Is it as simple as they've seen me? They pressed a button or are there unresolved issues? Was there something that didn't actually have a closure? Just be very careful that you're not being you know somebody's not fishing to bring you into a situation that really you know that boat sailed.
Speaker 1:
Like, for example, that guy that's putting this friend to rest. He might have been recently separated, divorced.
Speaker 2:
I don't know I mean you look at, I'd love to hear your mind work. It could be perfectly innocent and genuine and a reaching out of connecting and friendship. Yeah, but the good thing about social media is that it's not happening in your living room, is it so you can cut it off and walk away? What I would say is you do need to sit there and filter. What is the agenda here? Right, and do I want to invite this into my life?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and what your partner from both sides of course, what your partner is like. I mean, if there's some kind of stalky, jealous type, I mean it just doesn't like to keep.
Speaker 2:
Well, you're talking about a whole different world there. I mean, all I can do is you know, one of our fundamental values of our relationship is loyalty and trust. Absolutely Right. I would never have married you if you weren't loyal and I couldn't trust you. And I can distinctly remember, you know, literally the day you asked me to marry me. You know there were some very real conversations we had for about two to three weeks afterwards when I pulled out loads of questions that we needed to have very serious discussions about, and I can literally remember us talking about that. You know what happens if you meet somebody and you think, oh, yeah, and you know, whatever, my view hasn't changed. You know, if that happens well, will I be sad? Hasn't changed. Yeah, you know, if that happens well, will I be sad, will I be angry? Will I have something to say about it?
Speaker 2:
then I think yeah, but my expectation is that we extricate ourselves from one relationship before we start another yeah because if you come to me and say I have met somebody I think I have feelings for will, I find that absolutely devastating. Yeah, of course right. But if you're telling me, but I've done nothing about it, but we need to separate, do you know what I mean? I don't want to make this more than it is, but fundamentally, Cynthia.
Speaker 1:
why do you bring this up? She's talking about separating.
Speaker 2:
Well, I'll be under no illusion. You play away from it and I will destroy you, it's true, but you know she's.
Speaker 1:
I mean, I think what we're saying here is that If it's open, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you can close, open about it there's nothing wrong with it at all.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, and having a teaspoon of salacious interest in what the hell are they doing is pretty normal. There's nothing wrong with any of that? I don't think, and I've done it every now and again, you know. I've put a name in and thought I think.
Speaker 1:
I mean the benefit for us. We're the other side of the world to our former relationship, so they're not going to turn off at the front door, are they? I don't know what the story is with Cynthia.
Speaker 2:
So, cynthia, the bottom line is, if there's no agenda in this and you can openly discuss it with your partner, then go for gold.
Speaker 1:
But I do believe you have to take your partner's feelings and opinions into that consideration, otherwise you are inviting yeah, trouble, you're going down a very dark double travel I mean, there was this, this program that's on tv, which I think is just bonkers, of this one where they invite three people in the relationship and they kind of fight it out. Have you seen that? It's called Reality TV? Oh my God, they're just. How on earth would you put yourself in that situation, apart from Instagram followers?
Speaker 2:
Maybe because you don't believe in lifetime monogamous relationships? Yeah Right, that's a whole different podcast, but you know it's nuts. You know we were brought up in a world where it wasn't a thing.
Speaker 1:
Death to us both.
Speaker 2:
Not sooner than later. It's an inhale. Why do you chortle like that? So, yes, cynthia, go for gold, but don't do it in a vacuum, because it will not work out well.
Speaker 1:
There you go, cynthia. I hope that's useful and you won't be writing to us in a couple of months time saying what do I do with my divorce? Oh, then again, it might be a positive thing for you.
Speaker 2:
Well, that's a whole other conversation. But let's be absolutely clear. You know, if you were in a relationship with somebody who has a very visceral response to you being contacted by somebody out of the blue, yeah. You probably need to sit down and have a little think about what exactly are you dealing with here.
Speaker 1:
Because sticking with somebody through thick and thin isn't always the best thing Very often not.
Speaker 2:
Well, that's a whole different conversation. What you're talking about is trust. Yeah, do you trust somebody? Yeah, right. So if you said to me this afternoon oh, I've had a phone call your ex yeah, girlfriend, that I was, you know, 50 years ago or whatever, 40, 50 years ago, I was at you in the years how old?
Speaker 2:
am I very that they're coming over to new zealand and I've been invited to go and meet them. I can't go. I've been invited, but I and meet them. I can't go. I've been invited, but I can't go because I'm working. Would I say to you well, you can't go? No, absolutely not. I'd go for golf.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, I know you would, because we have a very solid relationship.
Speaker 2:
It doesn't, it doesn't, it's not, it's not even a thing. I would find that exciting for you.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And I suppose I'm secure enough in myself to not think he's going to go there and think, oh, I made the right choice. Do you come back and say, oh, I think I made the right choice. I think, well, let me help you. Where is she? Off you go and being quite facetious, yeah, but it's interesting, isn't it?
Speaker 1:
Because that question that she's asked is it opens up a lot of doors, doesn't it?
Speaker 2:
It's not really about somebody that's reached out out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:
No, not at all.
Speaker 2:
That's either there's a very real agenda there or it's just an innocent press that, oh, I wonder what they're doing. Let me have a look at their photographs. How are they doing?
Speaker 1:
But it's down to her to think about her Absolutely, her relationship and what's.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I think nine times out of ten. If you're stopping there and you're thinking, was this the right thing to do, you're probably reflecting back into the past and there's some unresolved issues there, unless you're married to a control freak. But let's not even open that.
Speaker 1:
All right, Brilliant Well. Hope it goes well, Cynthia, and we'll leave it there.
Speaker 2:
Let us know.
Speaker 1:
Join us next time on Big Questions. Short Answers with Sian Jacquet and me, andy.
Speaker 2:
If you have any questions you want to ask, please send them via the website siansjacquetcom.
Speaker 1:
If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and share it with everyone you know.
Speaker 2:
We really do appreciate you sharing 15 minutes with us.
Speaker 1:
And if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to Sian's website siiansjackaycom. There's a course on values to create the life you truly love. I did it and it really does do what it says on the. Can See you next time.
