Big Questions, Short Answers with Sian Jaquet
(Feat, Andy's unsolicited advice.)
What are the things that make life, relationships, business and the big picture work?
Andy asks Sian, his wife, these big questions. And with a humorous, light-hearted touch, in 10-15 minutes they will discuss the things that really matter and find short answers to bring us all success and happiness.
Sian is a much sought-after international executive coach, board member and keynote speaker who promotes living and working a values-based life to gain happiness and success. Andy is her husband of 35 years, and the ying to her yang, So the conversation is honest, real and funny.
“I hope you'll be entertained. I hope you have a little smile. And I hope every now and again there will be a thought that you refilter in your head and think: Okay, that resonated.” - Sian Jaquet
For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love
Big Questions, Short Answers with Sian Jaquet
Big Question | Should you go to a school reunion? Ep26
What if reconnecting with your past could offer unexpected insights into your present? Join us as we, Sian and Andy, contemplate the emotional rollercoaster of attending a school reunion. Sian shares her heartwarming and sometimes bittersweet experience of reuniting with old classmates after decades apart. We unravel the complex motivations behind such gatherings—whether it's the desire to show off our accomplishments or the yearning for closure from our formative years. This episode isn't just about nostalgia; it's about understanding how these reconnections shape our identity and bring new perspectives.
As we navigate through Sian's poignant reflections and Andy's probing questions, we delve into the different dynamics of those who thrived versus those who struggled in school. We discuss the raw, unfiltered emotions that surface when old memories are revisited and how these interactions can offer a profound sense of fulfillment. Whether you're considering attending your next reunion or have already experienced one, this episode offers a thought-provoking exploration of what it means to reconnect with our past selves and the people who knew us then.
For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love.
www.sianjaquet.com
Here we go, school's out for summer. How is it really?
Speaker 2:Welcome to Big Questions. Short Answers. I'm Sian.
Speaker 1:And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life questions.
Speaker 2:And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited advice.
Speaker 1:Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's value-based online course. Visit sianjackeycom to find out more. So today's question is should you go to a school reunion?
Speaker 2:Is that because you saw that email about there was one happening in your school?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I can't go because it's in the UK and it's a long way to go. I mean it's quite interesting. I mean, when it comes to the kind of Facebook thing you find yourself just saying do I look younger, do I look happier? You know I got some of the multi-millionaires, but are they happy? I don't know. But what comes down to is should you go to a school reunion, if one is offered and you're available to go? I know some very good films about it, but is it going to do you any good? That's the question.
Speaker 2:If you want to, there you go. End of podcast.
Speaker 1:What are you gaining? Here we go. What are you gaining? Here we go. What are you gaining? It's your motive, isn't it? Yeah, what's your motive about going to a school podcast, going to a school reunion? Is it, like you know, I'm better than you at the end of the day, is it that? Is that what it's all about?
Speaker 2:I think, on any level, you want to go and you want to Judge? No, no, no, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say you want to go there and present yourself in your best light, right? Yeah, the reality is that, and obviously it depends how big the gap is, but if you're talking 30-odd years since you've met these people, for realities you're not the same person. So that's the first piece of discussion I'd have with somebody, right? You're not walking in there 11, 12, 15 years of age. Yeah, you're a grown adult with a whole lot of life experience and wisdom, and who you were then isn't who you are now well, so don't?
Speaker 1:some people? Some people, I think, are still in that space.
Speaker 2:Not everybody had good school experiences or weren't able to form positive relationships, for whatever reason. It's not about judging anybody, but that's the fun.
Speaker 1:Isn't that the fun bit?
Speaker 2:I went to one recently, very small scale, put together in a very kind of light touch way it certainly wasn't, you know banners and come here for the evening and we're going to have a disco. You know, I met up with a group of people who I hadn't seen for the better part of half a century and I can honestly say that it was a very special and lovely experience. There were some people that I met sat down, looked at and it was like my heart just flooded with emotion, of connection, of memories, and it was a very, very lovely thing. My own observation would be listening to people.
Speaker 2:My own observation now, looking back on it and it happened a few months ago was that I think there were people that I was at school with who were desperately unhappy at school yeah, and I was too young and stupid and didn't know enough about the world and didn't know enough about human beings to recognize it and to see it but you know, but you can't, you can't expect to see their sadness. If you were that age, you know but what I'm saying is that when, when I saw them, it was very interesting that we ended up having a very real, meaningful conversation about how challenging it was.
Speaker 1:You went to boarding school, so that's a different game. Yeah, is that a?
Speaker 2:reflection on how we're all mature and our emotional intelligence and we're able to share on that level Possibly, but there were people who were very unhappy. I got a lot out of being there. There were some faces I saw. There were some hugs I received, there were some stories I listened to that were absolutely delightful and it filled my heart and soul.
Speaker 1:Well, it was also when you came from it. I remember your perception of yourself at school, and it's probably true for a lot of people. Be very, very careful, but no, but your perception of yourself at school was not how other people saw you. How other people saw you. People saw you in a much better space than you saw yourself.
Speaker 2:Well, isn't that again that reflection of life? You know, it's that old acid. You know what would I sell myself when I was 12?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, 15. Now I'm, older.
Speaker 2:I think that if I'm absolutely honest and now I'm going to get into trouble, but it will be the first time I get into trouble won't be the last. I think the vast majority of people that were there I could see the core of the human being that they were when they were children, because we were children, right, but they'd developed from that. There were other people who possibly hadn't grown.
Speaker 1:But that's a judgment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I. All I know is that, from my own perspective, you're quite right. I think that when you go back to a school reunion, if you overbake it and overthink it, you're going to emotionally put yourself in knots about what do people think of you? Well, at the end of the day, I've got no control over what anybody thinks of me and I've certainly now got no control over what I did, said, behaved whatever when I was a child.
Speaker 1:We come back I mean, quite interestingly, the podcast we did on bullying, you know come back to see the school bully.
Speaker 2:Well, that's interesting because I think that's. You know that's a theme, isn't it? You know I didn't like you. You were nasty to me at school.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And, to be honest, if you were the recipient of bullying and unkind behaviour, then it can be quite triggering to go back to a reunion and do that or, equally, it can be very empowering.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That I ain't that person anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I've come to eyeball you. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I would respectfully suggest that the person you're choosing to go and eyeball isn't the same person as they were. Yeah, to go and eyeball isn't the same person as they were. I, to be honest, would encourage anybody to go, because it was just incredibly interesting to see these fabulous women and what they'd done with their lives, how they'd gone out there and become themselves. I thought it was fabulous, but again, that's my ballgame, isn't it?
Speaker 2:I'm fascinated with human beings and what they do and the choices they make in their lives. And I, quietly, I'm quite proud of what I've done from the rather pathetic resource.
Speaker 1:You're dyslexic.
Speaker 2:You know, I wasn't really nobody in their right mind. There was no teachers who were advocating me to be an international. If I am one now, Do you? Know what I mean. I did come away with that quietly pleased, but the most important thing was that I reconnected with some people that really matter to me and it has been a lovely, lovely, lovely experience and I I'm glad I went and I did it and I'm glad I saw them I suppose yeah it yeah because you went to an all-girls school.
Speaker 1:I wonder if the same is true of co-ed school relationships, all that kind of stuff of teen American movies.
Speaker 2:Well, again, isn't it that we overbake it in our heads and we overthink Unless you've got a personality disorder? Everybody was a little bit woodied about going. Everybody put a little bit more effort into what they were dressing up like.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I just think that's perfectly normal human behaviour.
Speaker 1:I mean you've got to. I think, though you've got to be pretty. You'd have to still be pretty, you know, solid in yourself, because if you are vulnerable, going into those situations would be pretty triggering, I should imagine.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think it can be quite dangerous if you're going there with an agenda that only you have in your head and nobody else has got the script. I'm going there to make this all right. I'm going to speak to so-and-so, so-and-so, so-and-so. Tell them what I really think. Now I'm a grown adult. That's very unlikely to work out well, I think if you go into it with an open heart and you go in there and think right for dot-dot hours, I am going to be surrounded by people who I knew when I was a child. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And, of course, the likelihood is well, it depends. I don't think it's, the likelihood is you'll never see them again. I mean, I think you may well, unless you connect, unless you.
Speaker 2:Connect and there you go. There's an opportunity.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Just, I suppose, should you, you'll ask the question should you or shouldn't you go again? Stop, before you make the decision filter. What's my motive? Yeah. What am I going there for? If I am, if I think, if you're going there to spend a few hours with people who you knew, because you've got a genuine interest, and where are they at, what are they doing? Yeah, and have a little trip down memory lane and a bit of a laugh, yeah then. But if you were going there trying to emotionally mend things right the wrongs, find closure, or to deal with open wounds that have never quite healed, I'm not sure that's the place to be going to. Yeah, I was, I don't know. It filled my heart, if I'm honest, it really did.
Speaker 2:The day afterwards I went on a long journey. I had to drive on my own halfway down the UK in the motorway on my own on a crazy Sunday, and I can remember sitting there, driving, reflecting it, and the good feeling was that I did, I was, I was able to reflect on me and and to, and. The conclusion I came with, you know, good, bad, indifferent. I am quietly quite proud of what I've achieved, from what I thought of myself and what I damn well know what the people thought. You know she wasn't. She wasn't going to achieve much, she wasn't gonna.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, that that may have been some of the teachers or whatever, from an academic standpoint and you know, because of the selector, you had, you know, back then, those drawbacks but that didn't seem to be what, you know, your fellow classmates thought yeah, yes, and that was lovely, but but again, is it a female thing or is it just a shan spicy bearing crazy bitch from doom brain?
Speaker 2:you know, I thought everybody was cleverer than me, everybody was better socially skilled than I was, everybody had better home lives than me, everybody.
Speaker 2:I just I really did think that everybody was better than me you make all those presumptions when you're so young, absolutely and I suppose that's what I'm trying to say by seeing this and it was quite a small group of people, so hence we were able to have and we all chose to have some real conversations. It would appear that everybody thought the same thing, yeah, and that everybody had their own demons and everybody had their own fights and that sense of self. But you're quite right, there is a huge difference with going to meet people that you shared lives with 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You know, hundreds and hundreds and miles away, thousands for some of them, from your family.
Speaker 2:Our experience of school was very, very different from, you know, going to a day school and the relationships you had. You had a dependence on, on meeting your emotional needs from people that were just thrown together. They weren't your family. So, yeah, you know it was, it was very it was. It was incredibly enlightening, but I'm glad I went, even though I'm you know I am repeating myself Don't close the door to it. If you're offered and you see it, possibly don't go on your own. It was quite interesting how I think all of us had a oh right, a Possibly don't go on your own.
Speaker 2:It's quite interesting how I think all of us had a reunion buddy somebody that was going to sit by us in case nobody spoke to us.
Speaker 2:You know, what I mean. I know that sounds ridiculous. We were all grown women in our 50s, right? But don't not go because you're frightened of judgment, which you used that word early. You know you can choose to be in that motorway lane or not, I don't know. Well, I do know. Actually there were some people that judged me, but that's fine. I'm old enough and wise enough now to see that for exactly what it was or is. But I enjoyed doing it and I literally got to have some conversations and hook some people who meant a hell of a lot to me when I was a child Fantastic.
Speaker 1:Back to school. Hell of a lot to me when I was a child. Fantastic Back to school. Join us next time on Big Questions, short Answers, with Sian Jacquet and me, andy.
Speaker 2:If you have any questions you want to ask, please send them via the website SianJacquetcom.
Speaker 1:If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and share it with everyone you know. We really do appreciate you sharing 15 minutes with us and if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to charles website charlesjackaycom. There's a course on values to create life you truly love. I did it and it really does do what it says on the. Can see you next time.
