Big Questions, Short Answers with Sian Jaquet
(Feat, Andy's unsolicited advice.)
What are the things that make life, relationships, business and the big picture work?
Andy asks Sian, his wife, these big questions. And with a humorous, light-hearted touch, in 10-15 minutes they will discuss the things that really matter and find short answers to bring us all success and happiness.
Sian is a much sought-after international executive coach, board member and keynote speaker who promotes living and working a values-based life to gain happiness and success. Andy is her husband of 35 years, and the ying to her yang, So the conversation is honest, real and funny.
“I hope you'll be entertained. I hope you have a little smile. And I hope every now and again there will be a thought that you refilter in your head and think: Okay, that resonated.” - Sian Jaquet
For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love
Big Questions, Short Answers with Sian Jaquet
Big Question | How do our beliefs hold us back? Ep20
What if your deepest fears about yourself are holding you back from the life you truly deserve? Join Sian and Andy on Big Questions. Short Answers as we explore the profound impact that negative beliefs can have on personal growth and success. In this heartfelt episode, Sian bravely opens up about her own struggle with the belief of feeling unintelligent, despite numerous achievements. Together, we unpack how childhood experiences and societal influences engrain such limiting beliefs and discuss strategies for recognizing and dismantling these internal barriers.
In the latter part of the episode, we turn the spotlight onto our listeners and their burning questions. From life’s big mysteries to everyday dilemmas, Sian and I tackle them head-on with quick, insightful answers. We encourage you to visit siansjacquet.com to submit your own questions and to explore Sian’s transformative online course on values—a resource that has made a significant difference in my own life. Don’t miss this enriching conversation, and remember to share and subscribe to our podcast for more captivating discussions.
For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love.
www.sianjaquet.com
Okay, sorry, sorry, my phone, my phone, my phone. I know you told me to switch it off. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Oh is it, oh, better take it.
Speaker 1:Kia ora Mama. How are you Very good? Thank you, darling. How are you Welcome to Big Questions? Short Answers I'm Sian.
Speaker 2:And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life questions.
Speaker 1:And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited advice Maybe of advice.
Speaker 2:Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's value-based online course. Visit SianJackadecom to find out more. Today we're going to talk about some issues that basically stop people moving forward, and I know you deal a lot of it, deal with it a lot in your work, but it's about the stuff that, for whatever people can't get past like a glass wall as to why they can't, you know, form the relationship or get the job promotion or move forward in their lives, and I just want to explore that kind of idea because I know you help people through that, so I just want to understand that a little bit more. People find a block to move forward.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, it's ruled according to Sian, but it's not complicated, it's actually very simple. It's beliefs. It's what you choose to believe, and those beliefs have been layered on you from the moment you arrived. Do you know what family, what society, what part of the world, what opportunities, what everything you know from health, well-being, education, emotional security, roof over your head and food on the table? Um, and then you layer how you were seen and how you were nurtured within that environment and negative beliefs. You're looking at, you know, stuff that has been layered and layered and layered over the years, like re-acing a cake. You know, I'm not good enough. I can't manage this project. You can't give me that job. There's no way I can do that. Yeah, oh my God, there's that promotion. Nah, I can't do that'm too young, you know.
Speaker 2:I look at those people who are in that room and and I don't see myself I mean, I've looked, I've looked at like, like you know, not so much now, but you know job applications and I I look at them and I think, my god, I can't do any of that well, that's a slightly different thing to make beliefs.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's that's a whole just being crappy, a whole different bag of rats. That's a slightly different thing to make beliefs.
Speaker 2:I mean.
Speaker 1:That's a whole different bag of rats. That's a different issue I'm talking about. Well, okay, use myself as an example. Right, I'm 62 this year, right, and it was quite a few decades ago that I was in knee-length grey socks going to school. Right now, I even now have he's beginning to smile as he's looking at me because he knows I'm going to talk about.
Speaker 1:I have a negative core belief that I might just be stupid and not really very clever yeah yeah, and that any minute now somebody's going to turn around and say you're not allowed to do that because you're stupid.
Speaker 2:Right, because you get very upset if I touch that button, sometimes, even if I just say, oh, you're being dumb, you get very, very upset.
Speaker 1:Do I.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Let's not shift the conversation to your inappropriate comments to me at any one time. Let's stay in the conversation to your inappropriate comments to me. I only want that let's stay in the space of negative belief so I can use my brain and sit down with trusted and whatever people and through therapy, through you name it. I've done it all, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:And come to a conclusion. Well, actually, Sian, there is a whole body of evidence that you're not stupid. That is a whole body of evidence that you've got a brain. Here's a whole body of evidence that you have contributed in a way that has made a significant difference.
Speaker 2:Because you've. I mean I don't want to go through your CV, but I mean with extraordinary achievements.
Speaker 1:I know you love me and you're my cheerleader, but you're going off track. Ordinary achievements I know you love me and you're my cheerleader, but you're going off track. The point is that that negative belief is so entrenched in me I can still be ambushed by it. I can still be frightened. Yeah, I mean, the obvious place now is to share that. You know, for the better part of a decade I've been trying to write a book. But when you can't read and write and you think you're stupid, I can't tell you how frightening it is to do it. That is how powerful negative beliefs are.
Speaker 2:You are, I mean, a very good writer, and I know that I know you don't mind me saying because you've shared it you're dyslexic and you have an extraordinary ability to write.
Speaker 1:I mean, your spelling might be a bit odd occasionally, but what I'm trying to clarify here is that we all have negative beliefs, right? Yeah, I'll say we all. There are a handful of people who don't, but they fall into a very different category. They're incredibly powerful things. Yeah, and it's not a think about it. Oh, I've, yeah, and it's not a think about it. Oh, I've rearranged the furniture in my mind. I don't believe that anymore, because many times in my life I've thought, okay, just get rid of this monkey, this is nonsense. There's all the evidence. You've done the work you've done. You know, um, but it still comes to ambush you. So negative beliefs, uh, you, you'll pick up when you're around people who have negative beliefs, that they're pretty good at icing. That's the way I think of it in my head. People are icing their beliefs, right when they use a phrase always, you always do this. This always happens. It doesn't all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that kind of glass half empty and I mean you've been dealing with it for a long time, so are we just stuck with it? I mean, is that basically what you're saying?
Speaker 1:Well, nobody lives some kind of ethereal perfect life. We're not computer programmed. Yeah, right. And again, I would say that your negative beliefs, you do need to work on them if they are creating limited life experiences. That's basically the bottom line, isn't it? Yeah, you know, through adolescence, through certain stages in our lives, there's some core negative messaging that we all give ourselves yeah, I'm not going to be able to look after this child, I've just become a parent. I'm going you know, I don't even know how to keep it alive let her own into a whole and healthy human. Yeah, and really believe that. I mean it's you know it's like a visceral fear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as an, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not handsome enough, I'm not gregarious enough, I'm not likable, I'm a nerd, I'm ugly.
Speaker 2:And, of course, far worse than us when we were young. Social media is absolutely just levelling one on top of the other, or more of this stuff.
Speaker 1:Well, it's not rocket turns to work out why we've got a mental health crisis. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's all based on bullshit. But yeah, negative beliefs, they can be very, very, very corrosive. Yes, they are sort of a fundamental, foundational part of how I would work with anybody. But equally, if, after you know, the third time around the Medigo round and we're still having a conversation where that belief is entrenched and you can find the evidence of how it is affecting your life, you know you're dropping the stone into the water. That's the issue, that's the belief.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And the radiated lines of wave.
Speaker 1:You know the wave function that happens afterwards is radiating into your life and it's getting bigger and bigger. Then, yeah, there are times when I coach people and certainly suggest that you might need to go and speak to a psychologist or a therapist or an expert in going below the line into how that belief is affecting you, and, of course, the Rolls Royce is trying to work out why you think you need to hold on to it, right right, because sometimes I suppose you might want to hold on to it because it gives you an excuse yeah, not talking about writing the book here but it gives you an excuse as to why it's up in me, but it gives you an excuse as to why something isn't possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but we all do it and that's not, you know, stand on some mountain of greatness? You know we all do it. Yeah, and that's how you know. Stand on some mountain of greatness, you know we all do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, human beings are very, very good at lying to themselves. But if you're literally focusing on, you know the question core beliefs.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The metaphor I use is you know, it's like wearing one of those trumping backpacks.
Speaker 2:Right, big ones yeah.
Speaker 1:And in it, you know, it's like wearing one of those trumping backpacks Right, Big ones, yeah and in it you've got quite big rocks. I mean they've been in a fire and they're burning hot.
Speaker 2:Oh shit, right, oh God yeah.
Speaker 1:And if you've got a belief that isn't serving you well, it's like a hot, hot rock that's radiating Right and you're carrying it around Right and you're carrying it around right um, it can be very, very, very damaging. Um, equally, challenging a negative belief and doing the work right, rearranging what your belief is and getting a more balanced view can possibly be one of the most empowering things we can do for ourselves. That's when you see somebody and I love that moment when it's like whoa, suddenly they're like you're watching them on a trampoline and they can go because they've let go of that belief. You know the must I shoulds.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:An obvious one right, which happens a lot If I'm coaching somebody and it's to do with a relationship, personal relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Marriage, I'm just thinking, and it's to do with a relationship, personal relationship. Yeah, yeah, marriage, I'm just thinking of one example now. You know, I sort of worked with a lady who was very courageous. You know, she shared that she had been physically abused. No question, she'd been emotionally abused.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Financially abused, manipulated, yeah, abused. Financially abused, manipulated, yeah, um, her children had been embroiled in some rather dark stuff, um, and yet, yeah, her belief was that when she got married, she made a commitment for life, and so, therefore, she won't go in nowhere oh right that is how strong our beliefs are wow now I'm not. I'm not arguing the rights and wrongs of that faith. I'm not opening going down that trapped order to that particular bag of rats.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But that is a perfect example of how your core beliefs I must, I should.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah and there is no other perspective, whereas really what my job is as a coach, it doesn't matter what somebody's coming to be coached or speak to me about. My job is to shuffle them around that paradigm, to have the courage to look at any situation from a different perspective.
Speaker 2:And you could look at that negative belief and, yeah, it may affect you, but you start to distance yourself from it over time. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1:well, no, actually not. What I'm saying is that somebody can be physically, emotionally, living a life of hell, yeah, and still camp in that belief right because there's I, I. I don't get to not do it, but I want to get rid of these negative beliefs.
Speaker 1:Well then, what you need to do is shuffle around and try and find a different perspective, so that particular person found themselves in a situation with somebody who was really quite high up in the church and she had a private conversation with them and shared not all of the detail but enough for them to understand. Because she asked the question when is it OK to say a marriage is over?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:What are the circumstances? You know. I stood there and said till death, us do part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And this person, very, very, very wise man, told her that that wasn't a marriage or the love that he believed God had created, and that her first commitment was to her own health, wealth, her own safety, right, and that began the journey. It wasn't like a moment of oh, that's it, I've got permission, I'm out of here. Right, it still took quite a long time to challenge that belief and move it forward, but what I can say, it was very much a happy upper ending because, as a human being, this person has grown exponentially.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Into somebody that nobody would have believed. The world would have seen and heard, seen and heard. But my point is that negative beliefs are the central part of an unhappy, sometimes seriously unhappy yeah, human being, um. But it's not an easy thing to do. You've got to. You know, you hear we use that phrase a lot.
Speaker 2:You've got to do the work um, and it's recognizing them, isn't it? It's recognizing it, that's the first step and and in in abc terms.
Speaker 1:The first thing is to have the courage to stand still and stare down the problem right, or actually be honest about what it is and what it looks like and how it feels, because I'm saying it now and it's tripping off my tongue and, yeah, and I do this most days of my life, but me included, there are times when you find yourself needing to challenge your belief. It is so hard, and not just challenging it for yourself. If you think about it, different tribes, different families, different beliefs that are around you, all the people around you don't want you to change your mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll just wind up here now and leave it there, but the first step is recognising it.
Speaker 1:You're asking me about negative beliefs. I'd be. Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm presuming you do. What are your negative beliefs?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I mean, it's an interesting thing. Even though I've held very senior positions and all the rest of it, I still don't value my expertise and all the rest of it. I don't know why. I have no idea. I challenge it every day.
Speaker 1:Well did you learn to do it. You see again, I don't understand it all, but I can observe it and I think it's all learned behavior. I mean, if you have parents and you're built up in an environment where you learn in a healthy way to feed your ego, to own your space, to acknowledge success, whereas you know I came from a family that and I know you did that. It was like you don't crow about things, yeah, you keep your mouth shut and your head down and you, yeah, play nicely and you don't do anything like that. Yeah, so it was not. You know you weren't taught how to do it. You didn't see that kind of eye confidence that isn't ucky and nasty, it was just wow, that is a really confident, together human being. You just didn't see much of it and it certainly wasn't role modelled true?
Speaker 2:alright, we'll leave it there and we'll see if we can improve ourselves on a daily basis. Join us next time on Big Questions. Short Answers with Sian Jacquet and me, Andy.
Speaker 1:If you have any questions you want to ask, please send them via the website siansjacquetcom.
Speaker 2:If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and share it with everyone you know we really do appreciate you sharing 15 minutes with us and if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to shans website shanshackaycom. There's a course on values to create life you truly love. I did it and it really does do what it says on the. Can see you next time.
