Big Questions, Short Answers with Sian Jaquet
(Feat, Andy's unsolicited advice.)
What are the things that make life, relationships, business and the big picture work?
Andy asks Sian, his wife, these big questions. And with a humorous, light-hearted touch, in 10-15 minutes they will discuss the things that really matter and find short answers to bring us all success and happiness.
Sian is a much sought-after international executive coach, board member and keynote speaker who promotes living and working a values-based life to gain happiness and success. Andy is her husband of 35 years, and the ying to her yang, So the conversation is honest, real and funny.
“I hope you'll be entertained. I hope you have a little smile. And I hope every now and again there will be a thought that you refilter in your head and think: Okay, that resonated.” - Sian Jaquet
For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love
Big Questions, Short Answers with Sian Jaquet
Big Question | How do you resolve workplace conflicts? Ep19
Can empathy really resolve workplace conflicts? This episode of Big Questions, Short Answers with Sian and Andy promises to arm you with the tools to address and manage conflicts effectively, whether you're leading a team or among colleagues. With Andy's wealth of experience in navigating disagreements without legal recourse, you'll gain insights into the power of listening and understanding different perspectives. We break down real-world scenarios to identify common pitfalls like miscommunication and unspoken expectations, offering practical techniques to transform conflict into collaboration.
From minor misunderstandings to serious disputes, Sian and Andy unpack the fundamental questions to ask when conflicts arise and share relatable examples to illustrate their points. Learn the importance of clear communication and how checking the understanding of tasks can prevent issues from escalating. This episode is packed with actionable advice and empathetic strategies to help you foster a more harmonious and productive work environment. Whether you're directly involved in a conflict or witnessing one, this discussion is essential listening for enhancing your conflict resolution skills.
For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love.
www.sianjaquet.com
What do I do? Put my hand up.
Speaker 2:You ready? You sure I'm ready, okay.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Big Questions. Short Answers. I'm Sian.
Speaker 2:And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life questions.
Speaker 1:And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited advice.
Speaker 2:Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's value-based online course. Visit sianjackeycom to find out more. On today's edition, we are going to talk about conflict, something Shard has got a lot of experience of, both home and abroad.
Speaker 1:Well, you're not so bad yourself in the world of conflict, but anyway go on.
Speaker 2:No, but you've got a lot of experience of conflict and you manage to find, especially within business, you manage to find a way in which conflicts are resolved amicably and normally without the use of lawyers. Certainly this else, but we're talking about business in terms of resolving conflict in and that happens a lot, doesn't it in in business, inevitably you're going to get conflict. It's about how to manage that. I want to kind of work our way through that part.
Speaker 1:In 10 minutes you want me to cover the whole issue of conflict at work.
Speaker 2:No, just to start with. I mean I think we can go into the stuff at home at a later date, but just the idea of conflict at work.
Speaker 1:Well, how do you manage it if you're leading a team, or even if you're part of a team and you're being, you're either the person who's having the conflict or you?
Speaker 1:You know, you've got front row seats because two of your colleagues are just not rocking and rolling in the right way. Well, the word that comes to mind is empathy, because if anybody's going to step in between two people and you should the only way I know to do it is to listen right. Yeah, now there are techniques to doing it right and, depending on where that arc of how serious this is, yeah, there are some fundamentals. You know, if, yeah, let's say one to ten and this is a two or a three in my judgment yeah, I might get both people to sit down and we just have an open conversation. But if you're over five and you're hitting eight and nine in conflict, then I'm strongly suggesting sit with both of them. It's all about listening and giving somebody empathy, because anybody who is getting riled up aggravated whatever. The bottom line is that they have a perspective of something that is different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I take all the ack-ack out of it. That's what it is about. Well, when we feel like we've been forced into responding to something because it's wrong or whatever, as human beings beings really all we want is to be heard, is listen to my point of view, listen to why I have come to this conclusion. I need somebody to approach this, to give me the opportunity to be heard it's very difficult, though, for like without somebody in between.
Speaker 2:Obviously, sometimes like with a you know it's a triangle kind of works, but when there's just two people battling it out, it's like really difficult.
Speaker 1:Well then, there are fundamental questions and again I come back to listening, right, because most of us what what reality is and what we perceive to be happening. There's usually a big gap between the two. Yeah, um, in a working world, let's just use a very banal, basic thing that somebody's been tasked to do a job and we come back and the job hasn't been done. Yeah, right now, we've all been there, right? And how do you respond to that?
Speaker 1:yeah yeah, well, the first place to respond is to check the understanding of the process that you've fallen. Was that person aware that it needed to be finished? Because for me it was urgent.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Did I actually tell them it was urgent, Right? I mean, if I'm honest, probably the vast majority of conflict that I've ever dealt with is where it's. You know, we kind of it's not the people hate each other and don't work. It's that truth. And what they were task they were given, is very different you're doing an animation here with your arms crossing crossing over.
Speaker 1:Do you know what I mean? And it's um. Again, from my experience, the longer somebody is left to fester with this sense of injustice, um, or that process hasn't been followed, because what we're actually talking about is your core values.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I spoke to somebody yesterday, right, a client who there was quite a significant conflict, yeah, and the one member of staff raised their voice and was quite aggressive to the other member of staff. Now, if you step back and unpeel it, which is what I did yesterday yeah, the one person who was being shouted at kind of emotionally respond and, you know, got really quite upset in the workplace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and this person is a leader, right, you know the figurehead would be the best way to say it, and they got really upset because they felt they'd let themselves down or that that wasn't how you were supposed to behave.
Speaker 2:Like getting emotional with the other person.
Speaker 1:And I listened and we had a very real conversation about it, and where we led to was what all of my beliefs are that the reason she responded in the way she did was because she was poked, that the person went for one of her core values. Right, yeah, and I'm telling you, if you truly live a values-based life especially, you know, looking at the workplace somebody challenges it.
Speaker 2:It is literally like being poked with a hot poker right, yeah, because it's like I would not respond like that, because that that's not who I am are you saying you've got no idea of who I am and what I am?
Speaker 1:or appreciate, no, no, I appreciate, if that's the right word, but you understand what I'm saying. So conflict to the workplace usually comes when there's a disalignment of values. One person thinks one thing, one thinks the other. Yeah, um, so you know, the abcs are listening, listening, listening. I'm taking time to listen. Don't do the grab you for five minutes. Oh, this is an irritating problem. I'll just give them two minutes of my time and shush it out of my way.
Speaker 2:Yeah because that's just gonna grow well it's.
Speaker 1:There is nothing more guaranteed to make somebody resentful and to start layering beliefs. Nobody cares, nobody listens. This is a shit working environment. That's a shit boss. This is a shit team. Yeah, so you have to prioritize it.
Speaker 2:And of course work kills will come out of that meeting saying, oh you won't believe, he just didn't give me any fucking time at all, or 101, he didn't understand yeah didn't even think I was going to use bad words there, didn't even ask. You know, I mean all that kind of stuff yeah, so in terms of, like, the conflict it's, it's. You've got to take the pressure cooker off to start with, haven't you? You know when people are really angry okay.
Speaker 1:Well, you're sidestepping me now, so are you asking me what do you do if you're in conflict with somebody?
Speaker 2:well, that'll be if you're one of you not to say I've been there, but I've been there.
Speaker 1:One of the one of the lead characters. Yeah, just yeah. Um well, again, I can give you the one-on one right that if there is a conflict situation, unless you're particularly skilled at doing it and there are people who are particularly skilled at conflict you're very good at that- am I what, what, what do you mean at resolving conflict or just having conflict? Having conflict, all right yeah, as soon as you are in a conflict situation where your instincts tell you this is stepping outside the boundaries of normal.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The way you'll know that is that in your central power base, in your gut, in your stomach.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, that is where you will know it first, before your brain even engages. Right, yeah. And if you can learn to recognize that, right, because not everybody can think fast under pressured situations, right, yeah. Um, and that's usually when it all goes to pear shape, because not only are you in a conflict, disagreement situation, yeah, you also are not on the front foot.
Speaker 2:you're not I'm not very good at that?
Speaker 1:no, you're not, I've been.
Speaker 2:She said um this other other situation good, but not not that when you're under pressure and people are going, yeah, I get like overawed, you know, and and and the art, there's one of two things.
Speaker 1:The first thing you do is you focus on the issue, not the person. Person, right, it's not about a person, it's about the issue, right. But more importantly, you use your own regulator to walk. I mean nine times out of 10, right, nine times out of 10,. My advice to anybody would be to say, okay, nine times out of 10,. My advice to anybody would be as soon as your instinct tells you, whoa this is, you know we're tipping into a very different space here yeah have have a place to go to even practice it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which sounds and looks like we're not going to resolve this at the moment. This is this isn't how we should be communicating. Let's take some time.
Speaker 2:Time out Okay.
Speaker 1:And we'll circle back and you get up and you walk out.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And that makes a huge statement.
Speaker 2:But you Right.
Speaker 1:So either as the leader or as the employee, it doesn't matter who you are, and it could be two employees that are on the same level flicking burgers in McDonald's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, taking time out.
Speaker 1:If the person you're communicating with ups the ante to a point where your instinct is thinking, whoa, this is way different than I can manage, or yeah, I thought it would be. To walk is the most powerful thing you can do, but then, like you've walked, yeah right, so that's just diffused it.
Speaker 1:But then you then go and seek support from a senior member of staff? Yeah, you can use a colleague. Again, I slightly concerned about that because then people through other values, like loyalty and whatever, get whipped up into it. Oh, they can call you.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:OK, you can call me. What I say to people is the first pit stop after you've got yourself wound up in any situation is a sanity check. It's not about, am I right? I need you to defend what I've done. I need you to agree with me, which is, you know, we all kind of go there, yeah, but when you, you know, if you actually focus, and, and from an emotional, intelligent point of view, yeah, it's about taking a step out of it and looking at it for what it is, not for how it makes you feel. Yeah, so going to speak to somebody and say, you know me, what were you? The phrase I use, you know, can I have five minutes? I just need a sanity check, right? Yeah, this is what happened, this is what was said, this is how I'm left feeling. Have I lost my mind? Yeah, I mean, I often do that.
Speaker 2:That's kind of the process that I've created, and then I have a handful of you know what I call my trusted advisors yeah, yeah, because you really don't want somebody to say oh yeah, guy, yeah, absolutely by lip service, because that's the problem wind you up, and that's the problem if you go to your colleagues and you, you know you're inviting them to start having walk-on parts in a conflict that they didn't come into work for.
Speaker 1:But again, I'm answering this question from somebody who's managed teams in quite pressured environments. But from a leader's point of view, or if you are in charge of a group of human beings in whatever shape or form, even as a parent, you need to give them the opportunity to talk and not tell them what they're thinking or tell them what they've done wrong. You just need to listen, yeah, right, and then you move the dial away from feeling to facts.
Speaker 2:Right, yes, right.
Speaker 1:Look, I mean I could go on for hours, but yet it's. Your job is to take the ack, ack, ack out of it. If you're a leader, yeah, and the only way you can do that is if people trust you to do it. They're handing you the weapon, if you like.
Speaker 2:And leadership as you've said we haven't really discussed this, but it's something maybe we'll go on to talk about is leadership doesn't necessarily mean that you're, you know, the CEO or whatever. It's taking a leadership role in your own life. So if you choose to walk out of a meeting, you're taking a leadership role in that, aren't you? Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Taking responsibility for who and what you are. Yeah, now again it's how you walk out the room. Yes, yes, there are instances of not sure throwing that computer in the corner of the room. Was necessary part of exiting stage right, pursued by a bear. You get my point. Yeah, but all of us, you know, back in my career.
Speaker 1:You know, all of us have got a couple of shadowy corners where now we're a bit older and wiser. You think, oh God, I should never have done that. Oh God, I got that wrong. Yeah, got a couple of shadowy corners where now we're a bit older and wiser. You think, oh god, I should never have done that.
Speaker 1:Oh god, I got that wrong yeah but nine times out of ten it's because your values are being challenged and your sense, your core sense of who you are, is being belittled or challenged or rewritten or ignored or whatever. And that's why, just by listening truly listening, and making somebody feel you don't just look like you're leaning, you create a whole place of truly listening.
Speaker 2:Brilliant. All right, we'll leave that then. I'm sure we'll circle back as that awful phrase is at some stage, because I think that affects pretty much all our daily lives. Join us next time on Big Questions, short Answers with Sian Jacquet and me, andy.
Speaker 1:If you have any questions you want to ask, please send them via the website shansjacquetcom.
Speaker 2:If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and share it with everyone you know.
Speaker 1:We really do appreciate you sharing 15 minutes with us.
Speaker 2:And if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to Sian's website shansjacquetcom. There's a course on values to create the life you truly love. I did it and it really does do what it says on the can.
Speaker 1:See you truly love. I did it and it really does do what it says on the can See you next time.
