Big Question | What pronoun am I? Ep 14

Ever wondered why pronouns matter so much? Prepare to challenge your perspectives as Sian and Andy dive into the nuanced conversation of pronouns and personal identity on Big Questions, Short Answers. Today, we unpack the generational views that shape our understanding of pronouns and why respecting them is more than just a trend—it's a crucial step toward recognizing each individual's right to self-identify. Andy's genuine curiosity and Sian's insightful wisdom guide us through this complex terrain, aiming to foster empathy and open-mindedness in an evolving world.

Join us as we dissect the societal resistance to change and explore the significant impact proper pronoun usage has on personal well-being and societal progress. This episode is not just about understanding the "what" but delving into the "why," encouraging listeners to embrace a broader, more inclusive perspective on identity. Whether you're struggling to grasp the concept or seeking to deepen your understanding, this candid discussion is a valuable listen for anyone invested in the dynamics of identity and inclusion.

For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love.

www.sianjaquet.com

Transcript

Andy: 0:00

Okay, mike, getting into trouble over this one.

Sian: 0:06

Welcome to Big Questions. Short Answers. I'm Sian.

Andy: 0:10

And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life questions.

Sian: 0:14

And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited advice.

Andy: 0:17

Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's value-based online course. Visit sianjackeycom to find out more. I'm going to kick this one off and sort of just judge my words here. I'm of a certain generation and one of the things that I don't know whether it's a bugbear or whatever, but this pronoun stuff that's going on, you know where you just address somebody as either a they, them, us, whatever. I have heard you talk about it and I think that, um well, you've got some good views. I'm just sort of wanting to kind of get a bit more understanding about it, why it's so important, because I know millennials and everyone else thinks it's so important.

Sian: 1:04

I just want to get a judgment from you of why you think it's so important, why we do it well you know, without getting into some kind of nightmare of trying to explain it, I'm not pretending that I actually understand it all. What I am saying is that, fundamentally, I have a core belief that every individual should be allowed to be who they choose to be. My observation throughout my life is that people don't like change. They don't like anything that isn't completely identifiable by their life experience and by their values. There is a narrative which I have been dragged into on several occasions, a narrative which I have been dragged into on several occasions.

Sian: 1:47

Then, these people, right, who want to be referred to in this way right, we didn't have any of this in the world before. Youngsters are just jumping on bandwagons and all of this, right, and you're looking at me and your eyes are getting bigger thinking oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I think. At me, and your eyes are getting bigger thinking oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I think. I would respectfully suggest that all of this has and and everybody's, every human being's difference has always been there, and I think all I know is from my experience, that there is an undeniable amount of suffering, and serious lifelong suffering of not being able to celebrate and be identified in the way in which you choose to be yeah, but I sort of think to myself well, yeah, that's all well and good, I'm sorry for suffering, but it's like, why is such a small percentage of people you know impacting my life and my?

Sian: 2:50

why are they impacting your life? Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. It's like how is it impacting your life?

Andy: 2:57

well, I, I have to make a decision on linkedin as whether I'm referred to as a he or she or something.

Sian: 3:03

Oh, how odd for you, I know she is.

Sian: 3:09

Well, again, I'm going to say to you what I've said. On boards, you know people who are doing marketing for companies and there's big debates, all of this, and I just sit there smiling. What harm is it for you to make a statement that I actually have an open heart and I would advocate for anybody to be who and what they want to be. Now, after 30-odd years, if you're going to sit here and tell me that suddenly you're going to disclose to me discriminatory views and beliefs, right, we'll be handing out off to a legal office. Now, do you see what I mean? You're doing, what they do. That's the term you use. I hate that. Yeah, why make it difficult? Well, I suppose it's only. Why is it such a big issue in your head? It's not.

Andy: 3:59

It's not a big issue, it's just a case of trying to Big enough for you to talk about it. I suppose understand where we are in the world in terms of all bets are off.

Sian: 4:09

You can have a voice.

Sian: 4:10

Digital platforms, changes in law, changes in social attitudes and, yes, there are a spectrum, there are ideas and behaviours and fighting for individual rights that are right out there, right, right out there on the edge of oh wow, that's a bit difficult to get my head round.

Sian: 4:34

Yeah, but at the end of the day and I'm not saying this to be controversial, I'm just saying it because this is actually what I believe For quite a few hundred years now, if not thousands, but certainly a few hundred years faith, organised faith has organised and told us what's right, what's wrong, how you should be, how you shouldn't be, and it's crock, an absolute crock. Now are there a whole generation of young people at the moment who, from some perspectives, would present as what the hell is going on here? Why suddenly have we got all these gender-fluid kids, which we didn't have before? My argument is that it's all part of the journey of finding out who you are, but because of the world we live in now you're actually able to ask questions, you're actually able to be different, you're actually able to educate yourself and find out. Is it all as you and I, as older people would want it to be. I don't know.

Andy: 5:40

It adds a layer of complexity, doesn't it that you think to yourself do you need it?

Sian: 5:47

Well, you don't need to choose, do you? Because you've decided who and what you are. Yeah, you're brought up in a world. I mean, as I have said to you very often, we have three children.

Sian: 5:57

Secretly, I was open to one of any flavour of any human being who presented to us Absolutely fine, because I actually, you know, as you know, I have experience of knowing people who have, for their entire lifetime, literally had to hide who and what they were, and it is one of, right up there, the most painful things I've ever seen and shared with any human being that they were too frightened to be who they were. There is a part of me, andy I'm not sitting here in some pious, you know fold my arms. I'm more worldly than you are. That's not what this is about. There are times when my head spins with sorry, what that's changed? Oh, okay, right. When my head spins with sorry, what, what that's changed? Oh, okay, right. And even I sometimes can feel like whoa, whoa, whoa. This is all a bit much for me to get my head around, but at the end of the day, what's the problem here?

Andy: 6:55

um, well, is it? Well there's, I suppose. Is it that there's two questions here? A, how do you open your mind to actually just roll with it?

Sian: 7:07

You create a belief or you hold on to the belief which, again, I just said to you. Now my understanding is and I say it with 30 odd years I've known you right Is that your view is inclusive, that anybody can roll like they want, as long as they don't dictate that to somebody else, or that you are forcing somebody, against their will, for whatever reason, to be or behave or to identify or whatever. I mean, it's just very basic stuff. And so the world's changed, it's evolved.

Andy: 7:42

I suppose I just wondered if it just adds a layer of, you know, complexity for kids, which which they don't really need, you know don't they? They don't need to know who they are well because it does your editing yeah, I don't know, I don't see what I'm saying.

Sian: 8:00

Yes, I mean, what I'm actually hearing you say is it is a bias. You know you really are planting yourself in that sense of bias. Actually, this is the world I know, this is the world I've lived in. I can get my head around that. Don't go changing things for me because I don't like it. So therefore, I will make a judgment, a negative judgment, about it. Yeah, I mean, I've read articles that have literally said well, if you take the percentage numbers and the way it's growing and this, that and the other, then we're never going to have anybody to propagate and continue humanity. Well, maybe that ain't such a bloody bad idea. Do you see what I'm saying? I mean, it's all bloody nonsense.

Sian: 8:41

The most valuable and significant conversation I had was with somebody who was an educator, right, and who is a leader in a very, very well-known educational establishment, and this was about, I don't know must have been five, eight years ago, when the narrative of all of this starting yes, and it was the first kind of wave of gender neutral toilets, right, yeah, and yeah, the bigotry that came out of the corners and the attitude I remember sitting in front of him and I'm saying to him so you know, you're running a school. How are you going to deal with this? He just looked at me and said I've got much more important things to be focusing on, as to what picture I'll put on doors and if it means somebody feels safe and somebody feels comfortable and somebody, whoever, whatever then can we just get over it and start focusing on things that are much more important? That is the belief that I've held on to Right. We do have to protect young people, the world they live in. They are bombarded and that is the word bombarded with opinions, criticisms, the latest way, the this, that and the other. And they all want to belong, they all want to identify, they all want to be heard, and rightly so, right, and it's exploded in a way that you and I can't understand. Yeah, and we can't. It doesn't matter how modern and clever we think we are. So the bottom line is identify as you want, be who you need to be to make yourself feel safe.

Sian: 10:21

The rest of us have a responsibility. When I say the rest of us, I mean people who are catching up and people who are getting their head around this. To just have an open mind, right, and don't have an open mind at your peril, because there will be a child, a grandchild, a niece, a nephew, a somebody living next door, a somebody at work, a somebody in the church, a somebody, somebody. Yeah Right, so start opening your mind to it. Thanks very much. We'll leave it there. You could say I was a bit mad at you then.

Andy: 10:53

Join us next time on Big Questions. Short Answers with Sian Jacquet and me, Andy.

Sian: 10:59

If you have any questions you want to ask, please send them via the website siansjacquetcom.

Andy: 11:05

If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and share it with everyone you know.

Sian: 11:10

We really do appreciate you sharing 15 minutes with us.

Andy: 11:13

And if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to Charles' website charlesjacquetcom. There's a course on values to create life you truly love. I did it and it really does do what it says on the can.

Sian: 11:25

See you next time.