Big Question | How do you create a meaningful legacy? Ep18

What kind of mark do you want to leave on this world? Join Sian and her husband Andy as they dive into the profound subject of legacy on this episode of Big Questions, Short Answers. We promise you a thought-provoking conversation that will challenge you to reflect deeply on what truly matters in life. Whether you're in the prime of youth or the wisdom of old age, contemplating your legacy offers invaluable insights into how you are living your life right now. 

Discover why emotional connections and the impact you have on others far outweigh material accomplishments. We'll explore the exercise of writing your own obituary—a powerful tool for reassessing your priorities and reconnecting with your true self and loved ones. This episode unpacks the common disconnect between work life and personal fulfillment, emphasizing the importance of being present in your relationships. By the end, you'll have a clearer understanding of how to build a legacy rich in emotional significance. Don't miss this heartfelt discussion that urges you to think beyond the everyday grind and focus on what will truly matter when all is said and done.

For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love.

www.sianjaquet.com

Transcript

Andy: 0:00

Now I'm not doing this one because I'm getting a bit older. You with me, then.

Sian: 0:04

I'm absolutely with you.

Andy: 0:05

Okay, all right.

Sian: 0:08

Welcome to Big Questions. Short Answers. I'm Sian.

Andy: 0:12

And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life questions.

Sian: 0:16

And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited advice.

Andy: 0:21

This podcast is brought to you by Sian's value-based online course. Visit sianjaquet. com to find out more. Today we don't want to blow people's minds or whatever, but I think this exists just no matter what age you are. Maybe it does become more important as you get older. But I want to talk about legacy what kind of you want to leave in this planet? This is a massive, massive, big subject. You love these big subjects, but I suppose maybe we can bring it down to and I know that you're part of your coaching and all the rest of it. It's a very important part of getting people's head in the game, as it were, and sometimes you talk about people thinking about their obituary you've cast natives out, aren't you?

Andy: 1:11

yeah, yes, whenever I talk about that and the idea that, like, I don't know, it's all falling apart or whatever, or stuff is going on for people at work and and it's a part of your course, I think as well in terms of your online course the idea of creating an obituary for yourself, as if you're looking at your own funeral and somebody is reading out here's this man, woman lived this life. What legacy did they leave on the world and why that's important?

Sian: 1:43

What sort of legacy do people first of all, it's, it's you know the why's, why do it? Yeah, right, and and every human being's different. We start with that premise, but there is a generalization in this that you get to, you know. You get to a situation in your life where you're working all the hours god sends, you're earning money, you're solving problems. You're doing this, and when I sit in front of people, they tell me why they're doing all of this for their family, or they're doing all of this for whatever, whatever. You come to the part in the conversation when you say, well, who are you? Have you disassociated with who and what you truly are? Or what's the point? What, what is this really all about?

Sian: 2:24

yeah because, if you take it to its logical conclusion, I don't think anybody who would have the ability to look at their own funeral from up there or down there. Obviously I'll be down there. Who's sitting on that back pew watching it with your arms folded and looking and thinking, oh, oh great. They're reading out how much is in my bank account. They're reading out how much my life insurance is worth. Yeah, those three over there are going to squabble over my jewellery. You know what I mean.

Andy: 2:57

What you want is he sold an awful lot of cars, right, ok, whatever.

Sian: 3:05

But you want to know what he meant to people. You want to know. Your legacy is an emotional legacy of what you've left, and that doesn't mean that if you're the greatest architect, you've left some incredible buildings or you've solved some major issues in life, or whatever.

Andy: 3:22

it is, yeah, a lot of us don't have that, but at the end of the day it's the end of the day.

Sian: 3:25

It's the people that you've loved and the people that you've emotionally connected with. Yeah, and one of the reasons I I will ask people to do their obituary. It's like a short, sharp slap across the face of oh my god, I've got this all wrong. Yeah, that's normally the response they get. Yeah, and if indeed people are courageous enough to do it, because a lot of people, some people just won't even go there because they know that they're on the wrong trajectory, but they don't know how to be present emotionally in their intimate and family relationships. They know how to be in charge, they know how to be at work, they know how to do all of that, but they don't actually know how to be present.

Andy: 4:08

We talked about that earlier, didn't we? The other podcast about being present, because at the end of it none of us are getting out of here alive. I mean, it's a scary thought, but that's true that you can be so profound but what do you think? It is that why, in your mind, what is the most important thing? Let's put to you, isn't it? What's the most important thing, and I think you know?

Sian: 4:36

to me, love are the people that I love. Yeah, yeah, I mean, let's have a whole different podcast on family, and what does that actually mean?

Andy: 4:47

yeah, well, I don't think that's a bit of a scary thought.

Sian: 4:49

Yeah, um, but there are people in my life that, come the day I'm in the box in the crematorium. I don't actually want my legacy to be anything other than she made a difference. I don't know. I suppose, if I'm absolutely honest, is that I loved unconditionally and it didn't matter who you were, what you were, where you were, how you were dressed, where you are and the scale of anything.

Andy: 5:13

Right right.

Sian: 5:15

And I have a slightly left field belief about unconditional love that many people would argue with me, but I would that to be my legacy that sean represented how you can love you're getting me all emotional.

Andy: 5:29

Now I don't want to think about your obituary um I'm okay, you read around because I'll go away. I don't think you say this, but I don't think that's necessarily the case, necessarily the case, but nobody on their gravestone is going to have. He stayed late every night at work.

Sian: 5:46

Well, exactly, but how does he make that shit? We all do it at times in our lives because we believe we have to or because it's demanded of us. You started this by talking about legacy, and the question is why am I doing this and what do I want to leave afterwards? Yeah, because legacy isn't always about relationships. It can be about, I mean, come on, how many people do we know that want to make sure that they leave their children something after they've gone? Yeah, well, that's literally legacy. Yeah, I mean, it's a very interesting concept at the moment, because I think the world has changed them and I think even the basic understanding of a legacy you're leaving your house, you're leaving whatever to your kids, you know the abc stuff um, I think that's changed. I don't think people can afford to. I don't think they should.

Sian: 6:41

That's us as well, by the way, okay um bad luck kids because I have and I know you have a very firm belief that we were gonna save and make sensible decisions so that our kids at some point had some money that could help them out. Yeah, but I'm kind of changing my mind on that. Well, because it's not. You can't do it. You can't do it in the same linear way that you did before. So legacy it is.

Andy: 7:10

That's different. That's inheritance. What we're talking about here is legacy, which is something that's beyond any financial measure. You know it's like I know you work with. You know some families that are in a. You know quite senior families within new zealand and they're leaving a legacy. It's not a case of oh how much cash can we give them.

Sian: 7:34

You know the kids well, that's fun you best, it's you stop and you work out who are we. What is this about? All of this has been created by our parents or our grandparents or whatever, and it's you know we're talking substantial amounts of money, um, and I am the custodian of my generation, so what do I do with that?

Sian: 7:54

yeah, um you're talking about something slightly different. I suppose it is a legacy in some ways, but but essentially it's planning um a in a commercial way. It's the state planning, it's all of those things. My role in that is, you know, I'm not the accountant, I'm the person that says well, just have a look at the research about the chances of that amount of money destroying the next generation.

Andy: 8:19

Yeah.

Sian: 8:19

Yeah, how do you educate them? How do you protect them? How do you protect the legacy of what your great-grandparents or your great-great-grandparents started? Yeah, yeah, I suppose one of the most obvious is land, isn't it? My family have been on this land for three generations and this is what we've done, and you know, through literally hard work and breaking you back with here, we've now decided to sell it all and it's all going to be used for housing.

Sian: 8:46

You know, wow, really, is that the legacy? Is that the emotional story, you know, or is that the right thing to do? I'm not saying it's right or wrong. What I'm saying is that legacies are, if it it's. You know you're talking about a significant amount of money here and presence in who and what you are as a family. It's an extremely challenging and difficult thing to do and it's not something that I believe you can do by sitting in a solicitor's office and saying write the will. In that way. I think there need to be conversations. There needs to be a very clear understanding of your role and responsibility as a custodian of a legacy. In that way, explain to me what you mean. I'm talking, but what do you mean by legacy? What do you mean by it? Well, I don't know For you.

Andy: 9:30

Well, what's your legacy? Well, it's interesting, isn't it? Well, I'm asking. I probably need to think about it before I open my mouth, but a lot of it is to do with being a caring individual who looks after their family, does no harm to other people and lives a good life.

Sian: 9:50

Does no harm to you.

Andy: 9:56

But there are people that are not particularly good individuals.

Sian: 10:00

Let's bring this back to talking about that personal obituary and, whilst obviously legacy is part of that, but that personal obituary about why it's important well, there are several elements to it, but I think one of the most profound and the bits when I'm doing this work with people and they've done it and then we're reflecting on it and I'm asking them to share what they think and what it was like doing it.

Sian: 10:29

I think what it actually does is it gives somebody a moment in time when you're lifting a mirror at yourself, but in an incredibly positive way, when you allow yourself to be acknowledged. This is who I am, this is what I achieved, this is how much people love me. Um, I think there's a much deeper thing to it and and that's when I see the biggest shift. You know, I've seen some pretty burly human beings who probably hadn't got a tissue out for 55 years, who would have tears rolling down their face. You know when I lead them to a point that says your grandson or your middle child or your youngest daughter has stood up and what have they said about you? Or even the people who worked with you for 20 years. We're not given much opportunity in life to actually stop and think what we're good at and what we are contributing and what a fantastic human being I am.

Andy: 11:28

We have to stop and actually consider that.

Sian: 11:31

I mean, I realise that writing your victory is a right out there way of doing it, but the faster your life is spinning and the more off center of being your authentic self and being who you are and who you would choose to be because is going on in your world, yeah, the more profound it is. Um, and it's just an incredibly quick way to reset.

Sian: 11:55

You know that light bulbs go off all over the place as you're doing it yeah and you feel significant and you feel like there is a purpose to my life, that I've lived this and I've left people or I've left. You're using the word legacy I have left. I bring it down to abcs. You know I carry around a space in my heart for the people that have died that I loved and you had a significant effect in my life. Now that's their legacy. I have found a house room in my heart and soul for them.

Andy: 12:29

Do you think it's because people actually don't, don't believe they loved and that's why they're frightened to actually go forward in terms of, you know, writing this, writing this down?

Sian: 12:41

I don't think, when you start the process, you're aware that it actually is about love, yes, and about that emotional self. I mean, if you're opening the door to have a conversation about as human beings, do we love ourselves? I mean, you know, there's a whole industry that's in the.

Andy: 13:02

We'll leave that for another day, but is it?

Sian: 13:04

But it's about having the courage, I suppose, to start it who do I want to be, so that, when it comes to the end, I've achieved some of it.

Andy: 13:16

Maybe not all of it, but some of it and, of course, it gives you the opportunity to reset because you're still above the ground, that's me.

Sian: 13:24

I want to be a good father. I want to be a good parent. I want to be a good me. I want to be a good father. I want to be a good parent. I want to be a good grandparent. I want to be a good friend. I want to be a good leader. I want to be a good boss. I want to be a good this, that and the other. I mean I've yet to meet anybody who's literally said to me I don't want to be good at any of those things, yeah, yeah, well, the only person that can do that is you. And to stop and to reset the phrase that you use a lot writing your own obituary is an incredibly powerful way of starting that journey of resetting by looking at what's really important in life.

Andy: 14:00

Absolutely. Join us next time on Big Questions.

Sian: 14:05

Short Answers with Sian Jaquet and me, Andy if you have any questions you want to ask, please send them via the website Sianj aquetcom if you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and share it with everyone you know we really do appreciate you sharing 15 minutes with us and if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to Sian's website Sianjaquet. com.

Andy: 14:27

There's a course on values to create the life you truly love. I did it and it really does do what it says on the can.

Sian: 14:34

See you next time.